Psychological wellbeing requires expert communication

Posted on December 20, 2011 by Clare

Psychological wellbeing begins with your ability to understand, like and question yourself in supportive ways. Confusion as to why you keep doing something or a sense of being out of control of your thoughts and feelings can be alarming and many people attack themselves with ‘I always do this; I can’t believe I am here again; will I ever learn?’ Our thoughts directly affect our feelings and if the thoughts are negative or judgmental, they have a tremendous effect on psychological wellbeing.

Over a period of time, they contribute or even cause conditions of depression, anxiety or obsessive disorders because the internal landscape is negative and self-critical. Thus, the quality of communication a person has with themselves directly influences the creation or maintenance of psychological wellbeing.

The quality of your communication with other people also has the potential to uplift, inspire and make you feel important and valued by others. Conflict, judgment, friction or feeling misunderstood by others can leave you feeling lonely and misrepresented. Someone who has a healthy relationship with themselves and supportive internal dialogue, may feel lonely in an exchange with another person but doesn’t go down a path of self-judgment and despair that the world is a terrible place. Instead, they may feel hurt or disappointed, but they don’t feel powerless to change their situation, speak up or question their part in the results they get with other people.

Effective communication is essential for psychological wellbeing. We must become good communicators with ourselves and with other people. We must learn to have an open and supportive conversation with ourselves on a regular basis. We must also learn to become expert communicators with others and see our part in getting the results we have in our lives through these interactions.

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Anxiety – Does communication alleviate it?

Posted on July 22, 2011 by Clare

Anxiety can be debilitating and all-consuming and, in some cases turn into full blown panic attacks. The person seeking relief often calls on a psychologist to alleviate the symptoms; some people want to know the cause of their anxiety and others just want life to return to normal.

So what has communication got to do with anxiety? Having worked with hundreds of people, I have learnt that communication is a key component to understanding and alleviating anxiety. This might seem like a strange statement but anxiety is a powerful response and message from within that ‘all is not well’ Understanding the language of that anxiety is the key. Often, the sufferer believes that if only they could remove the ‘anxiety’ then all would be well. If they can learn to communicate with themselves, listen and interpret the message that a part of them is trying to get them to listen to, and then act accordingly, then the anxiety would have done its job. Anxiety is an alert button that something else has to be dealt with – it may worry, fear of consequences, anticipation of something bad; whatever it is, anxiety is the symptom and not the cause. Getting to its meaning starts with learning to communicate with yourself and listen carefully to the messages from within.

Anxiety also comes from difficulties in communicating with other people. Many people dread having difficult conversations with other people where they anticipate negative responses, blame or criticism. They then avoid these conversations and anxiety arises again – anxiety that the problem has not gone away and anxiety and self-blame that they have short-changed themselves by not standing up for themselves.

People can learn to identify, label and understand their thoughts, feelings and meanings. This, combined with skills to effectively listen and communicate with others, empowers the individual to be the author of their own life and not someone who is pushed around by external events and circumstances.

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The cost of not voicing the unspeakable

Posted on May 23, 2011 by Clare

Shania Twain

Shania Twain’s new book ‘From This Moment On’ tells the story of her life and why she believes she has lost her ability to sing.

Apparently she is suffering from Dysphonia, a condition whereby a person loses their voice following, amongst others things, emotional trauma. It would appear that she has experienced her fair share of trauma, more recently the betrayal of both her husband and best friend (who are now partners) has undoubtedly contributed a lot of stress to her life. She herself states feeling she should keep everything to herself and present a strong face to the world, has taken its toll.

Having worked with hundreds of individuals over twenty years, I have come across others whose inability to speak the unspeakable or express deep trauma, results in losing their voices. This would seem to be particularly the case if a person needs or uses their voice in their professional life. Other examples of the ‘body speaking the mind’ so to speak include a football player who repeatedly broke his right foot (whilst not on the football pitch), a golfer who damaged his fingers on the hand that guided the club (again outside of playing golf) and an opera singer who lost his voice with no apparent physical damage to his larynx (voice box).

Effective communication is more than verbally expressing something. Effective communication skills begin with our ability to have a conversation with ourselves, to listen to that inner voice of what we need and to listen carefully to what we must do to live a life that is congruent and authentic.

Posted in crucial conversations | Tagged crucial conversations, shania twain | 1 Comment