What Happens In A Psychotherapy Session?

Posted on March 21, 2011 by Clare

The words Psychotherapy and Counselling are often used interchangeably and yet are different. It is important to understand the differences so you can make informed choices about what to expect when you enter a therapeutic relationship.

Counselling is a context in which a skilled counsellor works with an individual (or a couple) to help:

  • Identify the nature of the problems facing the person.
  • Evaluate the options the person has in terms of solving the problem.
  • Process difficult or complex emotions associated with the challenges.
  • Identify a person’s blind spots and point out their choices – particularly those which are not seen or denied.
  • Develop a strategy or plan to make changes for the future.
  • Learn and practice social and interpersonal skills to help the person form better relationships.
  • Develop better communication skills and the courage to increase assertiveness or autonomy.

Counselling usually takes place over a limited time with approximately 6 – 12 sessions of one hour each. Psychotherapy is a longer term approach to solving a person’s difficulties. It takes place at regular intervals (usually weekly) in the context of a relationship between the client and psychotherapist. Focus is aimed on helping the person understand their life better and identify patterns which they have developed which may no longer serve them.

Psychotherapy is not as focused at working towards an outcome. It is an evolving process in which the individual looks at long-standing behaviours, attitudes and ways of looking at the world which have resulted in their life and relationships being as they are. The aim is for the person to become more autonomous and not be driven by unconscious triggers, instead see the role of reactive behaviours and repeated patterns that no longer serve them. Psychotherapy can result in the person changing dramatically and seeing themselves and the world differently. It occurs when the person is able to become more reflective and open to becoming an observer of their life experience as well as the atuhor of it. It requires taking full responsibility for one’s life and not blaming others or circumstances for what happens to a person. By making conscious, some more unconscious impulses to behave or attract similar dynamics into one’s life, the person can truly become the author of their own life.

Posted in counselling | Tagged counselling, psychotherapist | 3 Comments

What Mental Diet Are You On?

Posted on March 17, 2011 by Clare

Anxiety is a physical and psychological experience which can rise and cause panic attacks. Because so much is written on it in the popular media, it seems that everyone has become a psychologist and immediately looks for psychological reasons for it.

However, whilst self-reflection and examining one’s current circumstances is enormously valuable, I would like to offer something important in how anxiety is often exacerbated.

What mental diet are you on?

We all know that our physical diet is important – a few days of overindulgence or with too many sweet or rich foods, makes us feel tired or sluggish. We need good fuel if we are to perform at our optimum. In the same way, what we feed ourselves mentally is essential for our psychological wellbeing. If we feed ourselves on negativity, trauma and distractions, there is no doubt that we will, over time, feel anxious, negative or even depressed. Watching the news repeatedly, filling our minds with trauma or fear – if only fictitious through a movie, has a negative impact on our outlook on life.

When we view information about an earthquake or tsumani, it is understandably tragic and distressing but to watch it over and over again, makes us more fearful of such a situation or even our ability to trust anyone or anything. We simply feel anxious. As with our physical diet, we feel unbalanced, exhausted and with indigestion.

Whilst I think it is important to be informed of what is happening in your environmment, I suggest you limit filling your mind with negativity and trauma, instead take inspired action to improve your life, those of people you care for and even offer your services to the community – contributing to others reminds us that there are some wonderful things happening in the world as well as trauma, fear and limitation.

Posted in Anxiety | Tagged Anxiety, panic attacks | 2 Comments

Tips for saying “no”

Posted on March 16, 2011 by Clare

Why Can’t I Say No When Saying Yes Causes Me So Much Stress?

Saying ‘No’ or ‘Not Yet’ or simply ‘I have too much on my plate at the moment and can’t do this now’ is enormously difficult for many people. Often they appeal to other people about the reasonableness of the demand but regularly they see everyone else doing a lot and may not even stop to consider that they have choice.

Whatever process you go through, the cost of putting aside what you know to be right or good for you is enormous. It also sets up an expectation from others that you can be cajouled into doing something even when you tried to say no. Why is it so difficult to say no? Basically, it causes anxiety which is compounded if others resist our choice, criticise us for it or directly or indirectly threaten us with something that is important to us.

Here are some tips for saying no:

  • Firstly decide clearly in your mind that you want to say no. A half-hearted response to a demanding person or situation wil be difficult to maintain.
  • Look the person in the eye and say ‘No, I can’t do that now’ or ‘Unfortunately, I can’t meet that deadline but I can do…..’ – in other words, take responsibility for your choice to say no and say exactly what you are doing.
  • Don’t appeal to outside circumstances hoping that the person demanding your time will be sympathetic to you. It is your responsibility to decide and whilst offering the reasons for your choice might include more detail, the desired outcome alone should not be due to the person demanding, changing their demand – you have a part to play in this too.
  • Extend your response from ‘no’ to ‘I have thought about this in some depth and unfortunately the answer is no’ (or not by this time). When you say ‘no’ on its own, it can come across as reactionary or uncompromising. To say that you have considered it before deciding puts you on much firming footing.
  • Accept that you may feel uncomfortable when you say no or negotiate deadlines with others.

When you have been doing something wrong for a while, doing it right is going to seem wrong. Ultimately, you are responsible for your health and wellbeing. Although it is important to compromise with others and consider their expectations and priorities, you alone are responsible for yourself. Burnout is a reality which often creeps up on people unawares – and on hindsight can often be linked to difficulty in saying that small word ‘no’.

Posted in crucial conversations | Tagged burnout, saying no, Stress | 1 Comment