I recently spoke with someone who had experienced a lot of change and stress in a short amount of time. House and job move, changed financial circumstances, death in the family and serious illness of a family members. Her stress levels reached an all time high and yet she was able to access resources within herself to function on a daily basis. As the storm passed, the reactions of other family members to those events caused more stress, epitomised by her question ‘I don’t what my life has become and yet I don’t know exactly what I do want?’ The actual events had thrown up issues about values, dreams, possibilities of which hers were clearly very differnet from her partner.
In talking to her about her options, she tried to justify her partner’s behaviour, the challenging aspects of which had escalated since the changes. The behaviour highlighted the essence of what was wrong in her life and relationship. She was compromising beyond a level that was ok for her – and she was living with the consequences of not changing things. Her justifications lay within arguments about not wanting more stress – and yet this opportunity, it would seem, was offering clarity on the things that were wrong, even before the stressful events arose.
Stress is our reaction to life’s events – we can try to reduce it, often tinkering around the edges or we can see it as an invitation for more change – the required change to our lives if we are to live meaningful and purposeful lives. It is only fear that allows us to stay with the status quo – the conseqences of which are probably greater than being true to oneself.